Clientology

I have today founded the Church of Clientology, a new religion* based on the infallible teachings of the Client.

Being a copyeditor, I have my own particular set of working practices and relationships. But the teachings of Clientology are relevant to people in all sorts of occupation.

The ten doctrines of the true and entirely non-culty religion founded upon the infallible teachings of the Client

1. The Client is always right.
2. When the Client tells you two contradictory things, the Client is doubly right.
3. When the teachings of the Client seem impossible to understand, this just shows how much you have yet to learn.
4. The Client has hired you for your specialist expertise – specifically, so that the Client can instruct you on how to improve it. Be thankful.
5. You fully grasp the truth only if you can explain it to a fool. The Client will test you on this.
6. The ‘brief’ is so called because of the amount of time it will remain unchanged.
7. To make your mind more receptive to the teachings of the Client, attain peak consciousness through sleep deprivation, fasting, and shunning the base distractions of friends and family.
8. Because modesty is the noblest virtue, you must make no haughty boasts of ‘overtime’.
9. To symbolise the uncertainty inherent in earthly life and the transcendent value of obedience, the Client may bring forward the deadline and withhold payment.
10. You are on a great journey of discovery. If the Client were to tell you everything you needed to know at the start, you would learn nothing at all.
11. Yes, you can just change that. No, that makes perfect sense. Eleven works better than ten anyway, and of course you can get it done in the same time. That’s a great idea, thanks. You’ll get onto that right away.

* Not a cult. If you call us a cult we will sue you so hard your head will spin.